The Golden Girls S01 E08 The Break In

S01 E08

Original Air Date November 9^th, 1985

I promise a post about my adventures at the Golden Girls drag show is forthcoming, but I was so busy this week, I almost didn’t have time to watch today’s episode. So for now you must settle for this picture of my husband and me looking super excited to be with the Golden Girls from Mary’s Attic. Notice how red I am in the presence of such hotness. 

The ladies come home from a night on the town. Apparently they went to a Madonna concert. They sound like they barely knew who she was before the concert. “Like a Virgin” came out in 1984 and I realize it’s been a full year between that song’s release and this episode, but hot damn. How do they not know who Madonna is? They knew who Rambo was and he does not having the staying power of Madonna.

They come home to discover their place has been ransacked. Funny story. Last November my apartment got robbed. They stole a bunch of worthless costume rings, my tablet, and a pound of bacon. Our various gaming systems and games were left alone, but they took the expensive, thick cut bacon. The bastards. I now keep all my bacon locked safely away in a safe.

Dorothy gives a speech worthy of Dirty Harry in an attempt to scare aware robbers who might still be the house. Blanche is just so happy no one took her Chinese vase. Dorothy is ready to take inventory. But Rose is shaken to her core and doesn’t want to be left alone while everyone else takes an area of the house to survey the damage.

Rose: I’m fine. I’m just fine. There’s nothing to be afraid of. These things happen every day. The main thing is no one was hurt. We could have been here. They could have come in the middle of the night, while we slept. They could have crept up on us and cut our throats.

That is some bleak stuff. And this terrified, paranoid angle is pretty well done. I think most people can relate to a time when they worked themselves into a frenzy over something, imagining all the horrible things that would happen or all the “what ifs” had things been different. I get it. I’ve been there.

Dorothy comes back into the room. We find out Dorothy’s mink stole was taken. Blanche’s mama’s jewels were taken. She hid them in the flour. Dorothy points out the flour and the freezer are the two most common hiding places and robbers know that. I looked up to see common hiding places and found an article on a locksmith’s site on the best and worst places to hide your valuables. I sure hope robbers don’t know how to use the internet and stumble onto that site. I now know all the best places to hide my valuables and where to look next time I decide to rob a house.

Sophia comes in claiming everything was taken, including her clothes. Sophia needs a new wardrobe. These robbers have got style. We all know Sophia hid her clothes, but I like the idea of robbers stealing old lady clothes. 

Rose: You know why this happened? Because we’re without men.
Dorothy: What?
Rose: I don’t know what happens or why all I know is when I had a husband I didn’t worry. Maybe nothing happened to me because I had a husband and maybe not.

At least she acknowledges it was feeling of being safe, rather than a fact. Rose knows she might not have been any safer with Charlie, but she felt safer and for her peace of mind that was enough. Though, I’d like to point out when my bacon was stolen, I had a husband and a dog. This deterred nothing. I am still 1 pound of bacon less.

Blanche says someone was putting out bad energy and bad karma is why this happened. Dorothy remains pragmatic as always. She says it was a crummy lock on a sliding door and massive unemployment. Blanche calls for a whippin’ and a hangin’.

Blanche: No one takes my mama’s jewels without swinging for it. 

The next scene is a salesman trying to sell a security system. He’s using scare tactics to intimidate them telling them 1 in 4 people will be the victim of a violent crime. Dorothy sees through his BS. Because Dorothy is the voice of reason. She shows him the door for his nonsense.

Dorothy: Now get out of here before the victim of violent crime in this house is you!

I partly chose this GIF because of Jude Law’s handsome, goofy face. Just watch for it…

Rose keeps on with “it’s better with men.” Dorothy says that’s a false feeling of security. Rose says that it’s not. This is a real 180 from the last scene where she openly acknowledged she felt safer. Now it’s

Rose: I was safer with Charles. I was never once robbed or murdered when I was with Charles.
Dorothy: You could have just as easily been murdered living with Charles.
Sophia: I’m surprised she wasn’t murdered by Charles.

I want to point out in season one they go back and forth between calling him Charles or Charlie, but beyond this it’s only Charlie. Just an observation on it.

Blanche tells a sexy story about George. I won’t count this as a Blanche’s beau since she married the man.

They go to make dinner and there’s a distant sounding recording of a dog in the kitchen. Rose picked up a guard dog that was clearly a sound machine. Rose won’t go into the kitchen to wrangle the large dog. She’s afraid of them after being attacked by a cocker spaniel at the age of three. I’m going to remember this when she brings Dreyfus home to dogsit in later seasons.

Blanche has a date so *drink for Blanche’s beau*

Rose: I wonder if jewelry comes from Jewish people…Jeweler, Jewish, I wonder if there’s a connection.

What a weird, racist segue.

I decided to look up the origins of the word. Not because I think Rose’s insane thought process is correct, but because the word had to come from somewhere and I have seen the question asked on forums before, so she’s not the only person thinking it. Jewel is an anglicized word for the French jouel which is from the Latin word jocale, meaning plaything.  

Now that that weird little segue is done…

Sophia goes into the kitchen to be barked at by the dog sound machine. The guard dog hid from her after peeing in fright on the floor.

In the next scene Blanche is laying on the couch while Dorothy puts a cold compress on her forehead. Why? We don’t know yet because Rose has to come home and trip the alarm. She was so afraid when she got out of her car because she saw a swarthy man with a weapon. Turns out it was just Fernando the gardener. Rose sees enemies and threats everywhere, mostly in man form.

She notices Blanche, thinking she’s been attacked. She went to the police station and had borrowed Rose’s pocket hairspray. She noticed a cute officer at the station and went to spray her hair and ended up macing herself. 

The police that she was a junkie. But the silver lining is Rose knows the mace works. Dorothy tells Rose she needs to stop. Well Rose bought a gun so she’s ready for the next attack.

Dorothy: You need to see someone.
Blanche: I don’t think a date is necessarily the answer.

Not NECESSARILY the answer. Which means Blanche thinks it could potentially be the answer. Dorothy’s advice of therapy is good advice and quite advanced for 1985. Even today mental illness is ignored and some people think therapy is a waste. But it works and it’ll be especially helpful for Rose to break the pattern of paranoid thinking and worrying she is engaged in because it’ll force her to talk about her fears in a safe place with an impartial party.

Dorothy says they’ll all go.

Rose: You think I’m crazy.

Don’t need to be crazy to go to therapy, Rose. I’m not crazy (EXCEPT FOR GOLDEN GIRLS) and I’ve been plenty. Break the stigma, Rose, and go!

And they do go. Sophia scoffs at the therapy because she thinks the therapist was expensive and blamed everything on the mothers.

Sophia: We’re afraid because our mothers taught us to be afraid.
Dorothy: For survival, Ma.

Dorothy and Blanche both feel better having gone. Sophia is a negative Nancy and Rose doesn’t feel any better. She feels worst because he was her last hope. 

We find out Rose is sleeping only in the daytime because she’s so terrified. Than she sits up all night with the gun.

That night Rose hears voices and the alarm goes off. Rose shoots in the dark. Blanche turns on the light and she’s brought a man home. *drink for Blanche’s beaus* Rose thankfully missed Lester, but she shot Blanche’s Chines vase! 

Don’t worry the vase will be back.

Rose: I didn’t shoot Lester.
Blanche: I’d rather you shot Lester!

Rose has a breakdown. Dorothy tries to calm her down. Rose says she’s knows it’s over and they’re gone, but in her mind they’ll always been there. Girl, you need to go more than once for counseling.

The next scene Rose is chased through a parking garage and we see her cornered by a man in the stairwell. CUT SCENE

Dorothy and Sophia are playing Scrabble on the lanai *drink for being out on the lanai* Blanche enters the scene to let us know they found the robbers. Dorothy’s stole has been returned, but not Blanche’s jewels. Rose comes in and says someone was following in the parking garage. When he grabbed her arm she kneed him right in the crotch. She now realizes she can take care of herself.

Of course the man was a parking attendant. He was trying to return her keys. The important thing is Rose knows she can take care of herself.

And Blanche found her jewelry in the freezer. Which at the beginning of the episode she said it was her second hiding spot. WHY DIDN’T SHE LOOK IN THE FREEZER AFTER MAKING THAT GODDAMN STATEMENT?

Drinks Counter:

Blanche’s Beaus: 2
Out on the Lanai: 1

Tune in next week for Blanche and the Younger Man