The Golden Girls S01 E05 The Triangle

S01 E05

Original Airdate October 19^th, 1985

Sophia is booking it through this first scene. Why you might ask? She is going over to Mildred’s to watch the adult movie channel on her widescreen TV. Sophia, just wait until the internet hits the scene, you are going to get so many viruses on Dorothy’s computer.

Dorothy puts a stop to Sophia’s fun because Dr. Clayton is coming by. Of course Sophia protests because Dr. Salvano is her doctor. Dorothy informs us he’s dead. Sophia tries to leave and Dorothy lists off reasons why Sophia needs to see the doctor. Her blood pressure is up, she’s tired, she has no color. I don’t know about that tired part, she was sprinting for those adult movies. Later in the series when they get a VCR Sophia catches a cold going out in the rain to rent dirty movies. This show sure does like to punish Sophia for liking porn.

Blanche comes in to tell them about a dress sale, but they only had petites left so she didn’t bother to invite anyone. Sophia insists she’s needs to go and get one for Dr. Salvano’s funeral. *drink for a funeral*

Dorothy: Dr. Salvano’s funeral was two months ago. You went.
Sophia: Right, I can’t let him see me in the same dress.

Dorothy and Rose talk about how much they are to have a doctor that makes house calls. Don’t worry, Dorothy, you live in a sitcom, there will always be doctors that make house calls.

Sophia: Tell the doctor I have no insurance and no money, if he still wants to come in he just wants to see me naked.

She’s absolutely right about that one.

Dorothy is immediately smitten with Dr. Clayton. Even by old man standards he is not attractive. So I’m not sure why she thinks he’s a hottie. Sophia rips on Dr. Clayton because she likes being difficult. Dorothy fishes for information about him.

Dorothy: I’m sure your wife, Mrs. Clayton, will enjoy it too.

Women can be doctors too, Dorothy. You should know. Your daughter is an award winning urologist.

Anyway she finds out he’s divorced and offers to take him on a tour of Miami. This guy is in the middle of an exam on an old sick woman, but he’s making a date with his patient’s daughter. Classy.

In come Blanche in her new dress.

Blanche: Is this dress going to stop traffic or what?

I wore a dress with less fabric on it to work the other day and it did not stop traffic. In fact, I think someone sped up when I was in a crosswalk. The only traffic Blanche is going to stop is in an Amish community. “Put some clothes on, English!”

I looked up a picture of a dress from 1985 and pulled up this one.

This would more likely stop traffic, Blanche. Of course, this is network TV and a show about old women, obviously we can’t have them actually dress sexy. That would be immoral and gross.

Of course Dr. Clayton is into it. And so is Blanche.

Dorothy: Keep your bloomers on Scarlet, he’s taking me out to dinner tomorrow.
Blanche: But he wants me, I can feel it.

So can the whole audience. Dr. Clayton is obviously taken with Blanche and her traffic stopping dress. Blanche does back off because of the rule “finders keepers.” Dr. Clayton gives Dorothy his first name, Elliot, and winks as he leaves. You may be wondering how his exam with Sophia went. He told her to make sure to take her medicine every day. Whoa, must have been top of his class.

We skip ahead and Dorothy is trying on outfits for her date with Elliot. She’s wearing a multi-colored mess and black slacks. This show works overtime to make Dorothy look bad especially when she’s trying to look good, but even by those standards this is a nightmare of an outfit.

This is the best picture I can find for it

Blanche points out they’ve been out every night this week, she can stop trying, so what she has on is fine. Dorothy goes to change and Rose goes to help her.

Blanche lets Elliot in and offers him a drink from the randomly appearing drink cart in their living room. And then the unthinkable happens. Elliot comes on to Blanche! And Blanche is not into playing that game. He keeps trying to put his arms around her and she keeps pushing him away until she lightly punches his shoulder.

Blanche: I am not accustomed to being manhandled.
Elliot: I thought you would be flattered.
Blanche: Well, I’m not. Pardon my strong language, but you sir are no gentleman.

You don’t have to pardon yourself, Blanche. While you’re at it, knee him in the crotch. Blanche demands to know “what about Dorothy?” And Elliot sees no reason to bring Dorothy into any of this. Elliot goes on to charm Rose when she returns. Dorothy comes back in what looks like a painter’s smock and leaves.

Rose has a vague feeling about Elliot and Blanche calls him a leach and tells Rose about what happened. Blanche says she won’t tell Dorothy about Elliot making a pass.

Now why would she keep such a secret? Because of Anderbeau and her beau. Anderbeau’s beau, Clive, made a pass at Blanche. Being a good and decent friend, Blanche told Anderbeau. Well Anderbeau and Clive both stopped talking to Blanche over it. *drink for Blanche’s Anderbeau*

Rose tells Blanche she needs to tell Dorothy because her and Elliot could get married and adopt a child.

Rose: Then one night at the country club. Possibly during little May Ling’s coming out party, Dorothy’s having the time of her life, when she goes to the powder room and she overhears the towel lady telling Mrs. Steinbeck that Dorothy’s husband, Dr. Elliot Clayton has bonged every female member of the country club. Can you let that happen to Dorothy? Can you let that happen to little May Ling? Hasn’t she suffered enough?
Blanche: Not as much as I have listening to that story.

Rose: I thought I was your best friend.
Blanche: You were until you told me that story.

I just love that whole exchange and their deliveries, I had to write most of it down so all might revel in the glory.

Later that night when Dorothy returns Blanche has decided to tell Dorothy what happened. Blanche does the right thing, even though it’s hard for her.

Dorothy doesn’t believe her. And she is cold blooded about it. She calls Blanche jealous and says Blanche “could never be a real friend to another woman” because Blanche is a slut.

I see this type of exchange in teen books a lot (and romance). The super special snowflake heroine looks down on the other girls around her as sluts and bullies and she makes snide comments and assumes these jezebels are out to steal her man. And of course the authors make it so. It’s never the hormonal delusion of a teen girl, no, all other girls are bad, and only our pure heroine is righteous. Dorothy is our super, special heroine here. Because Blanche is vain about her looks and dates a lot she is at fault here. Despite the fact Blanche has exhibited no signs of stealing or trying to steal her friend’s boyfriends. In stead Dorothy falls back on that age-old conflict, that women are in constant competition and cannot be trusted.

Dorothy even doubles down and calls Blanche a backstabbing jezebel. Which, doesn’t actually make sense. Dorothy doesn’t believe Elliot made a pass. She thinks Blanche is making the whole thing up out of jealously. Calling Blanche a backstabber and a slut implies Dorothy thinks Blanche made a pass at Elliot.

Blanche: I’m just glad little May Ling’s coming out party was ruined!

May Ling has suffered enough, Blanche.

In the morning Blanche rips into Rose for giving her bad advice. Rose says it was the right thing, even if Dorothy is not speaking to Blanche.

Blanche tells a somewhat bewildered Sophia why Dorothy is not talking to her. Sophia, unlike her daughter, believes Blanche. I think that is important to note. Sophia is usually pretty quick to call Blanche a prostitute, it was the first thing she said to her in the series. But here, she doesn’t accuse Blanche or assume it’s a lie because Blanche dates a lot. She believes her because she knows what kind of friend Blanche is and it’s not the type to steal someone’s boyfriend.

Dorothy enters the scene and lets the argument continue. They trade some mild barbs and when the doorbell rings Dorothy is quick to leave the scene to get it, with an angry Blanche chasing her down. Here’s one of those scenes I can see why Rose is a counselor. She stops them both and insists Dorothy confront Elliot about making a pass at Blanche. She stands there as the voice of reason.

Dorothy does ask Elliot if he made a pass, but she doesn’t actually look at Elliot, who is clearly lying. His face shows doubt and fear and his eyes dart from Dorothy to Blanche. He knows he’s busted. But Dorothy is staring at Blanche so she misses the very obvious tells of a liar. He even gets angry at being confronted and goes to wait in the car, but Dorothy still believes Blanche lied and made it up.

Dorothy: It’s not enough you had to have half the men in Dade county, you have to have everyone else’s man too.

Ok but, you have made it very clear you think Blanche is making this all up. Not once has Dorothy or even Lying McLiarface said it was Blanche who made a pass. How does lying about a man making a pass cause Elliot to fall into Blanche’s arms? It’s like; Blanche made up Elliot making a pass to break up Dorothy and Elliot so Elliot will date her? Where is the fucking logical in that thought process? I thought Dorothy was smart.

Blanche tells Dorothy she has to leave. And it breaks Rose’s heart they won’t be roommates anymore.

Sophia and Rose are somehow the voices of reason in all this. They both believe Blanche and Rose even made Dorothy confront him and yet they’re pretty powerless to stop this fight. I would think Sophia at the very least would try a little harder. If Dorothy leaves, she’ll have to go too. Even if Blanche doesn’t kick Sophia out, how can she have a relationship with her daughter if Dorothy can never visit?

Sophia tells her first “Picture This” story *drink for Picture It*. Sophia tells the story about a pepperoni salesman breaks up the pizzeria she owned with Mama Celeste. This salesman dates both women, driving a wedge between them. But, once again, DOROTHY IS ACCUSING BLANCHE OF LYING NOT CHEATING.

But Sophia says the moral is she lost a fortune and for Rose to stay out of it.

Rose tries to convince Dorothy to stay by withholding her golfing gloves. But of course she collapses like a flan in a cupboard and tells Dorothy where they are. But Rose gets an idea when she’s alone with Elliot and she makes a pass at Elliot in a classically Rose why. Awkward. I’m seeing shades of Sue Ann Nivens here. 

But she traps him with her cunning line of questioning. Dorothy overhears his confession and he is like “boo, nothing happened.”

Dorothy goes to apologize to Blanche. Blanche gives her a very justified “I told you so.” She also says no one ever believes her and it’s because she’s so beautiful. Blanche forgives her right away and we have a friendship hug. Sophia busts in with a pizza taste test of Mama Celeste’s pizza vs hers. So this random subplot really took flight in the last eight minutes of the episode. Everyone choose Celeste’s pizza and Sophia goes on to poison their food. The end.

Drinks Counter -

Blanche's Beaus: 1

Funerals: 1 

Picture It: 1

This the second week no one went on the lanai. What gives?

Tune in next week for On Golden Girls