Shady Pines, Ma

S01 E13 Original Airdate December 14 th , 1985 God save me, I moved to a new state. To a new timezone. My life is in boxes. Except for my laptop, so Golden Girls away! We open with Sophia packing a suitcase, but here’s the catch, she’s packing food! Hilarious. When Dorothy asks why Sophia is packing all this food to visit Phil she takes a potshot at Phil’s wife. She apparently only goes into the kitchen for a cold beer. His wife is a welder. So good for her. Sophia: My son married a welder. Too bad she didn’t weld his zipper shut. They got ten kids they can’t afford. You’re Catholic, Sophia, that should make you happy. Anyway, Sophia is visiting Phil because one of his sons is graduating pet grooming school. You best believe Sophia has some thoughts about that and they are not complimentary. The family moment is interrupted by Blanche and her great new way to meet new men. CPR class. Nothing says romance like the kiss of life. Sexy. Of course, when Blanch...

S01 E12 Original Air Date December 7 th , 1985 I stayed up until the wee hours to finish my homework so I wouldn’t have to waste any brainpower on that and I can devote all my brain power to this. You’re welcome. You guys ready for another episode with family?! Because you should be. Gloria, Dorothy’s sister is coming to town. Not to be confused with Gloria, who will leave you hangin’ on the line.  We open on Dorothy and Sophia washing dishes. More like Sophia finding fault with everything Dorothy does. Dorothy: We’ve been washing glasses for ten minutes. We’ve finished three. Sophia: So what’s the rush? It’s not like you have a date tonight…It’s not like you have a date any night. This in unimportant to the way they’re washing dishes. Ten minutes on three glasses is bonkers and I’d strangle that old lady with a dish towel. Blanche comes in asking to borrow a lot of expensive jewelry from Dorothy. She’s going on a sleepover date with Jason, the community theate...

S01 E11 Original Airdate November 30 th , 1985 This is the third time I’ve started this and the third time when I go to save my progress Word just shits itself. Obviously there’s an issue here that I am not going to fix until this episode is over. There is no problem, only Zuul. We open up with Blanche whistling along with the tea kettle as she and Rose look at brochures. Blanche says they should go to Martinique in the Caribbean because all the men there speak French. Rose wisely asks what the women speak and when she learns everyone speaks French she doesn’t want to go. You know who speaks French? Dorothy. Remember a few episodes ago she learned it and aced her final despite Blanche’s totally disruptive grandson staying with them? No? Only me then? Ok. Rose says she would rather go somewhere like Williamsburg, VA or Washington, DC. Of course this is when Sophia waltzes through the room. Sophia: You’re moving, Rose? This would be touching if I liked you more. ...

Oh my God, I miss my weekly updates. It takes me about two hours to watch an episode of Golden Girls and do the blog. And while that is two hours well spent it is two hours I haven’t had for a while. I have been stupid busy and I have officially started my master’s program, so now I’m stupid, stupid busy. By the time I finish all my writing work, the last thing I want to do is stare at my computer screen anymore.   This blog is not dead. But from now until the end of the year it will be sporadic. October looks slightly better. I have less time-consuming projects to worry about. I will say, once the new year hits I should have more free time. In the meantime, I’m trying to work on a schedule to watch one episode through the week and post on Sundays again. This may end up being totally unsuccessful, but we’ll see.

S01 E10 Original Airdate November 23 rd , 1985 Before every episode I search for a screenshot from the episode. Today I forgot to add  Golden Girls  to my search and got this gem under “The Heart Attack” as the first image along with symptoms of a heart attack. I feel this is appropriate.  A few things about tonight. I actually have a drink for this one because deadlines suck and it is crunch time. Tonight’s blog almost didn’t happen, but I got my second wind with the hep of gin. I am hoping the gin will see me through to write about the goddamn drag show finally, but looking at the time, the outlook is bleak. Because I suck and this blog is full of lies. Anyway, onward. It is windy in Miami tonight. The girls are sending house guests out into a storm. They have a serving table set up in the living room with coffee cups, half a cake, silver serving trays. What kind of party was this and how do I attend? And Sophia made it all. Blanche makes a really speci...